Friday, May 18, 2012

The latest advice on dealing with difficult people

Hara Estroff Marano’s article in this month’s Psychology Today, called “The High Art of Handling Problem People”, acknowledges that dealing with difficult people is a special skill—and one that is becoming increasingly necessary in both professional and personal life.  
           Because difficult people come in a variety of forms, much of the article is devoted to describing the different modus operandi of individuals who are either hostile, rejection-sensitive, neurotic, or egoic.  Yet the author points out certain threads that are common to difficult interactions:
"Ever wonder how an encounter goes so quickly awry? Doubt your own perceptions? Feel thrown totally off balance by another person? Find yourself acting crazy when you're really a very nice person? Manipulation comes in many forms: There are whiners. There are bullies. There are the short-fused. Not to forget the highly judgmental. Or the out-and-out sociopath. But they often have one thing in common: Their MO is to provoke, then make you feel you have no reason to react—and it's all your fault to begin with! Feeling deeply discounted, even totally powerless, while having to jettison the original aim of an interaction is a distressing double whammy of social life—and a cardinal sign you're dealing with a difficult person. No, it's not you. It's them. And it's the emotional equivalent of being mowed down by a hit-and-run driver."
             As a self-help tool, the author recommends you stay composed in the face of unreasonableness to enable you to figure out exactly what species of difficulty you're facing before attempting to deal with it.  Further practical advice includes a list of “7 Ways to Defuse a Difficult Encounter” by Vancouver physician and PT blogger Susan Biali.  Is anything crucial missing from the list?