6 tips for handling whiners

Sorry it took me so long to produce this second installment to my post of 21 August/12, when I cited research that showed too much time spent listening to someone else’s complaining can damage your staff’s brain cells.  I feel bad for leaving you hanging this long, especially since practical advice exists that may help you not merely cope with a longwinded complainer but actually enable you to bring out the best in the whiner.

By whiner, I am referring specifically to someone whose complaints are neither constructive nor even useful as a therapeutic (if passive-aggressive) form of stress relief.  Although such whiners may possess a legitimate sense that things should be different and want to make things right, they have no idea how to effect improvements.  So as a result they feel helpless and, instead of taking action, they whine.

If faced with this type of whiner, the best thing you can do is diminish the whiner’s helplessness by taking the following five positive steps:

1. Listen to the whiner’s complaints (even if you don’t want to and at risk of your own brain cells).  Write down the main points to prove to the whiner that you are listening and also help you recognize the complaints again if the whiner tries to recycle them.
2. Because whiners tend to complain in vague generalizations, you'll probably need to take charge of the conversation by asking clarifying questions to make the whiner pinpoint the specifics of the problem.  If your whiner is unable to be specific, suggest that he or she go away and gather more information.
3. Give the whiner something to look forward to by setting a time for a subsequent meeting, either to discuss the problem further or (better) when s/he will get back to you with possible solutions.
4. Also to redirect the whiner’s thinking toward a solution, ask the whiner what s/he wants.
5. If the preceding steps fail to produce positive change, know when to draw the line.  If the whiner reinitiates the same cycle of complaints, clarify that talking about problems without solutions is a poor use of everyone’s time and shut him or her down.

 What not to do:

1. Agree or disagree with whiners.  Either alternative simply encourages them to keep whining.
2. Try to solve whiners’ problems for them.  You need their participation.
3. Ask why.  Whiners will construe the question as an invitation to start over from the beginning.

I have adapted the above five tips and three don'ts from the book ““Dealing with Difficult People:  24 Lessons For Bringing Out the Best In Everyone” by Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner.  In personal practice, I have found all these instructions useful in helping me cut to the chase quickly when faced with another person’s morass of complaints.  But I have to admit, in my less diplomatic moments I've also had success in deflecting whiners by simply informing them that they are compromising my brain cells.  That's my sixth tip.

What techniques work best for you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGAUPDENuZs

Workplace complaining harms staff's brains

Evidently, workplace griping isn’t just bad for morale.  It actually impairs your staff’s brain function.

According to Trevor Blake, author of “Three Simple Steps:  A Map to Success in Business and Life”, neuroscientists have learned that people who spend too long listening to someone being negative are apt to behave in the same way.  Additionally, people exposed to 30 minutes or more of negativity lose neurons in their hippocampus, the part of the brain used for problem-solving.

http://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/listening-to-complainers-is-bad-for-your-brain.html

The latest advice on dealing with difficult people

Hara Estroff Marano’s article in this month’s Psychology Today, called “The High Art of Handling Problem People”, acknowledges that dealing with difficult people is a special skill—and one that is becoming increasingly necessary in both professional and personal life.  
           Because difficult people come in a variety of forms, much of the article is devoted to describing the different modus operandi of individuals who are either hostile, rejection-sensitive, neurotic, or egoic.  Yet the author points out certain threads that are common to difficult interactions:
"Ever wonder how an encounter goes so quickly awry? Doubt your own perceptions? Feel thrown totally off balance by another person? Find yourself acting crazy when you're really a very nice person? Manipulation comes in many forms: There are whiners. There are bullies. There are the short-fused. Not to forget the highly judgmental. Or the out-and-out sociopath. But they often have one thing in common: Their MO is to provoke, then make you feel you have no reason to react—and it's all your fault to begin with! Feeling deeply discounted, even totally powerless, while having to jettison the original aim of an interaction is a distressing double whammy of social life—and a cardinal sign you're dealing with a difficult person. No, it's not you. It's them. And it's the emotional equivalent of being mowed down by a hit-and-run driver."

             As a self-help tool, the author recommends you stay composed in the face of unreasonableness to enable you to figure out exactly what species of difficulty you're facing before attempting to deal with it.  Further practical advice includes a list of “7 Ways to Defuse a Difficult Encounter” by Vancouver physician and PT blogger Susan Biali.  Is anything crucial missing from the list?

 http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/the-high-art-handling-problem-people

Canadian economy logs best job-creation month since recession

     Following months of stagnant or falling employment, Canada's economy just logged its biggest surge in jobs since before the last recession — adding 82,300 workers to the labour force in March 2012—or six times more than the previous seven months combined.  This unexpectedly strong employment report last week from Statistics Canada overturned a few prior months of modest employment reversals and was our biggest monthly jump since September 2008, just before the global recession.  The new jobs were broadly spread through multiple industries and even included modest gains in manufacturing and construction, two industries that have suffered recent set-backs.
     Bank of Montreal deputy chief economist Douglas Porter warned Canadians not to expect the same dramatic job gains going forward, noting that the unusually warm weather last month might have pushed forward some seasonal work.  The public sector's March gain of 21,000 workers also seems unusual, when both the federal and Ontario governments introduced budgets last week with spending restraints on the numbers or wages of public servants.  Yet Porter affirmed that the March employment gain "really does show that the job market has broken out of its funk."
     Still more good news:  the Bank of Canada’s quarterly survey of senior management from 100 representative firms, conducted over four weeks in February and March, found that business optimism in Canada is rising sharply, bringing better expectations for sales, hiring, and investment.

http://www.680news.com/news/national/article/348568--economy-has-best-job-creation-month-since-recession-adds-82-300-workers

http://www.680news.com/business/article/349644--optimism-grows-among-canadian-firms-expectations-for-hiring-positive

New study says women make better bosses

     According to a new study from Spain, employees think women are better bosses than men. 

     Reasons cited include that women managers tend to instigate more individualized employee feedback, more democratic decision-making, and more workplace channels for interpersonal communication.  The study’s author, Eduardo Melero, an economist and business professor at the Universidad Carlos III De Madrid, said in a statement:  “Women managers seem to be more inclined to use these types of practices, individually, as well as promoting them among the rest of the management team.  And as such, a management team with more women could be more effective.”

     Increased communication between management and employees could well yield such important benefits as enabling the company to make more well-informed decisions based on employee feedback and improving morale among staff who will feel their contributions matter more if management listens to their opinions.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/men-vs-women-managers
http://www.businessnewsdaily.com/2241-women-bosses.html

More reasons why sales is a potentially lucrative career for introverts

        Following last Tuesday’s post, I grew so fascinated with the potential of introverts to excel at sales that I did some more digging. My research turned up several more key strengths that could contribute to their sales ability, including superior composure and self-control, as well as excellence in building long-term relationships. Evidently, it might also help if the introvert possesses a strong belief in the value of the product or service s/he is selling. 
http://saleshq.monster.com/sales_careers/articles/98-an-introvert-in-sales

Why should you consider hiring introverts for sales jobs?

        Yesterday New-York-City-area sales trainer Paul Castain started another interesting LinkedIn discussion with the question: “Is sales an extrovert's profession or can an introvert do quite nicely too?” Comments thus far have emphasized the advantages that introverts bring to sales, including better listening skills, better at focusing attention on the prospect and asking questions, and better at handling disappointment. What seems to be emerging is a useful shopping list for hiring sales staff.

http://www.linkedin.com/groupAnswers?viewQuestionAndAnswers=&discussionID=93464804&gid=1832739&commentID=67512626&trk=view_disc&ut=3KDYMZNuruUB41